goodbyes

maybe i'm writing this because its the start of summer and those "goodbyes" are happening, but in the past few years i've really been thinking about these little goodbyes we have in our lives—a summer break, a friend graduating, a falling out of touch, a new doctor—some are filled with permanence when others aren't. and it's something i've really began to take notice of, this fact that there are teachers in my life, people from across the world (shoutout to the californians), students, who i (to put it blunt) will likely never see in person again.

and i'm not sure the best way to deal with that, or how to properly say "goodbye". its difficult, and then theres this looming sense of "do i catch up?" which makes it even weirder because there's some people in my life who i've said goodbye to, but i don't know if i'll see them again. and it's just this paradoxal feeling

i'm not too sure what i'm even getting at here, really just, its hard to say goodbye, and i don't know why it becomes more common every year. but i also think goodbyes can be beautiful, but i'm not sure how to "master" that (or if its even a good thing to be able to master goodbyes), its some untouchable animosity i guess.. but god do goodbyes hurt